silvermasque’s blog

So...... Georgia.....

Its not bad. Classes are going well, although they are an ass load of work. I pretty much expected that though, considering this is a graduate program and all. I didnt expect to float on through the way that I did with undergrad. The only thing that makes the program difficult to handle is that, unlike framinghams 15 week semesters, Im on 10 week quarters, so everything is condensed and theres no time to fool around.

Im meeting new people which is great, but Im still not entirely comfortable around them, being the new person and all. They all started the program in september, and now Im coming in in the middle of their year, after theyve already bonded. Although I must say, they are welcoming me, and inviting me out with them etc. so thats nice.

Roomates are great, weather is great, the smell isnt as bad as I thought it would be...

My only problem is that, and this is sad to say... it isnt new england.

Now, Ive always said that I needed to leave new england for a while, and thats true, I still believe it. Thing is I wanted to leave new england in order to realize how much I loved it there, and how good I had it. I didnt realize that I would come to that conclusion so soon after leaving. I dont have ANYTHING familiar down here at all. no friends, no job, no clubs, no nothing. Which is the only reason I think being down here is so tough for me right now. Im sure things will get better, in fact I know they will. Im going to get a job soon, which will give me some roots here, and Ill be involved in shows soon, which will be even better for social networking etc. and soon enough everything will start to feel like home. But right now, its just so incredibly difficult for me to get adjusted without having one IOTA of familiarty.

Despite all this, I am happy I am here, I expected most of what Im going through right now, and I know that it will soon subside. but do call me, text me, IM me, or email me often, because its good for me to hear from all of you. It haps me realize that although im physically alone down here, you all are still with me in heart and mind.

love love love times infinity.

B

its been a while since i posted, but isnt that the way it usually goes?

quick update, im working full time now. 9-5 is pretty sweet, although my body isnt entirely happy with me as I have to get up everyday at 730. Now I know some of you out there are thinking "730 isnt all that early" but for me it really is. I am the epitome of the non-morning person. I hit the snooze button for at least an hour straight every day. Oh well, the pay is good, and I do love my job even if my boss is a raging bitch now that she got back from her honey moon.

I wish that people lived closer so it was easier to ahng out with some of you. I miss many people from school. Hobbit and I got to hang out last week which was nice, but it made me miss all those I havent had the chance to see even more.

Ive applied to grad school... more on that as it develops.

I suppose thats it for now. When Im not so tired and can think of more stuff to write, I will. But for some reason I felt compelled to write something in this even though it was mundane things that most of you already know about.

happy VD!

So Ive decided that in september of 2008 ill be enrolling myself in an MFA program. Doing a grad school search is sucha  difficult thing though.

Ive spoken to alot of people, and there are a few different ways that theyve reccommended to me to try searching. One of which was interesting, geographical compatability. Menaing take a look at your life style, find cities and states across the coutnry that seem to fit you, or you are interested, and then begin your search for good programs in that area. So ive been asking people (feel free to respond)

What 3 cities in the US would you go to if you had the choice and why?

I know I should be considering my own answers to this question, but i havent traveled the country much, so i figured asking others would help me get a feel for certain areas, then i can move forward with research and such.

so far the schools on the top of my research list are Florida State, UCLA, UC Irvine, and UWashington - Seattle

thoughts?

I dont know though. I just want to find the right fit, and its so hard. I worked all through school and settled on my education alot over the course of undergrad. Im very happy with teh education that I got, but i want to try and give myself over more in grad school.

anyway, im done rambling tonite

i almost just wrote an entry that i realized would have pissed off alot of people. Needless to say my htoughts are not the happiest this evening...

hob and i had a photo day in boston today. Its always nice going into the city to take a look around you and marvel at what man can make. I love to photograph boston architecture. I did alot of that today, although i did infinitely more modeling for hobs photos than taking my own. Its ok though, because i like doing that too.

Im glad to have good friends in my life. I feel like alot of the people in my life recently have been not so good for me. Ive moved back home recently and moving so far from everything has given me lots of time to think because well, any of my friends from home are away at school, and any friends from school are away at home. SO ive sat with my thoughts, and several people have just stood out to me to be truly good friends, and i value the time i get to spend with them. if that makes any sense to anyone

among me having some really great people in my life, i miss alot fo teh people that i consider among that group. i havent gotten to see or speak witha  few of them because of distance barrriers, or just because of pure time. I think once i graduate, time will be spent making sure that i get to see several of those people, wherever they may be.

i want to start living a little more freely, i envy my tween because she wanted to leave, got up and went. i wanna be that free. Ive begun cutting my emotioanl ties to new england.... who knows, maybe ill up and out too............

so I think moving home might be a good thing. In the end its not necessarily the way that I would have wanted things to play out, given a choice in things, but there are several benefits to moving home. Saving money, not working as much, being able to eat my mothers cooking.

there are several drawbacks though. When I was living at home before I defenitely felt disconnected from school. I suppose thats natural given the distance between RI and FSC, but its still not something that I like. WHen living in the apartment I could call people and in 15 minutes I could be meeting up with them to hang out or grab a bite to eat or whatever. Now it takes about 3 times as long.

Maybe being a little disconnected will be a good thing too though. Everyone talks about the circle of drama, maybe if im at home i can be outside of it for a little while. Maybe thats just wishful thinking too.

I imagine that with living at home Ill probably update this more. Ive found in the past that when Im home I feel more compelled to write in a journal/blog. It could be the distance away that my friends are which makes me want to write to feel more connected too. who knows, only time will tell there.

well ill probably update later, stay tuned, if you even read this....

so I think moving home might be a good thing. In the end its not necessarily the way that I would have wanted things to play out, given a choice in things, but there are several benefits to moving home. Saving money, not working as much, being able to eat my mothers cooking.

there are several drawbacks though. When I was living at home before I defenitely felt disconnected from school. I suppose thats natural given the distance between RI and FSC, but its still not something that I like. WHen living in the apartment I could call people and in 15 minutes I could be meeting up with them to hang out or grab a bite to eat or whatever. Now it takes about 3 times as long.

Maybe being a little disconnected will be a good thing too though. Everyone talks about the circle of drama, maybe if im at home i can be outside of it for a little while. Maybe thats just wishful thinking too.

I imagine that with living at home Ill probably update this more. Ive found in the past that when Im home I feel more compelled to write in a journal/blog. It could be the distance away that my friends are which makes me want to write to feel more connected too. who knows, only time will tell there.

well ill probably update later, stay tuned, if you even read this....

At work, there are these long stretches where there is nothing to do but sit and think.

And so today I thought alot. I thought alot about death.

What an odd concept it is. We live, go about life, taking steps to ensure that we can be happy, and experience everything we want to experience and live comfortably. and then nothing. then it stops. What happens afterwards theres no way to know for sure. Religion would suggest an afterlife. Some other suggest its just nothing, with no conciousness to know theres nothing. I dont know what to believe really.

but think about it. I did. I thought about how other people might look in their coffins, sitting there all made up, ready to go in the ground. A lifeless shell. Like a machine that was just turned off, and left off.

But all machines can be repaired in some way. No matter what the peices can be replaced, and it will work again, just maybe not in the same capacity. SO then what of life. If our shells are just machines that are composed of parts that work day to day in a certain capacity, then why cant they be replaced, or repaired. Then in death there is something missing from the machine?

the energy to run it perhaps. So then this thing we call life is just some ethereal energy. A force which drives us forward. But science would tell us that all energy can be measured. SO if life is indeed a force of energy, then why cant it be measured, like all other forces. or why cant it be generated.

I think if the human mind were truly able to understand all that is life and death, then it would implode in some way. Like it is theis knowledge that isnt harnessable by the human brain. one day we will all experience death, thats for sure. we cant all go on living forever. but why?

i guess thats really the question, why?

this was pointless, heh.

so really im not entirely sure exactly what id use htis more. most likely its just something more for me to pass the time with, but who knows, maybe itll develop into something spectacular.... not likely. anyway, stay tuned for more interesting stuff.